I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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