I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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