Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
