I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
