Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
