I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
im on a boat
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