i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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