whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
