so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
