Your favorite bartender is back from prision
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
