he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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