shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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