smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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