I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
