Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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