Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
