Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
