i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
