Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's like God shit irony all over that family
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
