I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
