What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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