Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
