3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
