You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
