What did we do last night that was yellow?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
