Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
