I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
