I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
