after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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