You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
