When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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