I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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