So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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