the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
