you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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