there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
