you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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