I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
