mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
