Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
