I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
