does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Blood and glitter go together right?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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