Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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