i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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