i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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