Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
