Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
