her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
