I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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