Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
