Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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