it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
