So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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