he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
