with your own penis?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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