So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
