i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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