I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
