But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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