So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
