And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
