I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
